The movement of this entire journey begins from a simple yet profound observation: that stilling the mind is not the same as transcending it. One who tries to still the mind remains identified with it, because even in stillness the latent impressions remain in the background. Therefore, breaking identification becomes the real doorway. Once identification loosens, the mind is seen as movement within awareness, like clouds in the sky. When the mind settles, awareness rests in itself—not because it has achieved something, but because it is no longer entangled.
From here, the exploration naturally moved into the relationship between breath, mind, and deeper states. It became clear that breathlessness is not something that can be forced, nor something that exists independently. Rather, it arises when pranic duality settles. The movement between Ida and Pingala gives rise to breath and mind activity; when this oscillation collapses into centralization, both breath and mind become naturally still. Thus, breathlessness and Sushumna flow are not cause and effect but simultaneous expressions of the same shift.
However, a refinement emerged: mindlessness does not strictly depend on breathlessness. Silence of mind can occur while breath continues. Yet, in the deepest absorption, both tend to coincide. This led to an important insight—freedom does not come from manipulating breath or prana, but from disidentification. Breath may stop, bliss may arise, but neither defines truth. They are experiences, however refined.
This opened the recognition that the intense bliss and relief associated with breathless states, though powerful, are still state-dependent. Witnessing awareness, by contrast, appears neutral and unimpressive, yet it is not dependent on any condition. The subtle trap is to equate intensity with depth. Bliss can be overwhelming, but if there is still preference for it, identification persists. True stability lies where bliss and its absence are equally unproblematic.
As this understanding matured, regret surfaced about having chased later awakening experiences instead of remaining with the original spontaneous awakening. But this regret itself dissolved when it became clear that the second phase revealed what the first had not stabilized. Chasing was not a mistake; it exposed hidden tendencies—attraction to bliss, subtle identification, and the mechanics of seeking itself. Thus, the path unfolded as innocence, seeking, and clarity about seeking. The later deliberate awakening solved the purpose of stibilising the initial spontaneous awakening.
From here, even the idea of “abandoning everything” revealed itself as another subtle trap. If abandonment becomes a stance, it creates a doer who is trying not to do. True letting go is not pushing away but seeing that nothing was ever held. This dissolved the last effortful tendencies and revealed a more effortless background presence.
The inquiry then shifted into the apparent paradox between understanding universal freedom through sharirvigyan darshan and quantum darshan, and still experiencing moments of contraction. It became clear that reality is free, but the feeling of contraction arises from habitual identification patterns. These patterns are not errors in truth but residual conditioning in the nervous system. Even the sense of being bound is just another arising within awareness.
I used to visit animal farmers’ homes to take care of their ailing or nonproductive animals. Close interaction would often take place with them; however, with Sharirvigyan contemplation in the background, there was not much attachment. People did not sense that I was avoiding anything. It is a sign of educated and scholarly individuals that they live fully involved with all, yet remain detached like a lotus leaf in water. Thus, the meditation image, enriched with Sharirvigyan darshan while being in a fully active worldly mode, would reappear in the mind during periods of rest to nullify the residual thoughts associated with those actions. In a way, it would absorb their energy. Over time, it matured sufficiently and demanded awakening. By coincidence, a desolate place was found to live in, and with a further push from Tantric yoga, it awakened after gaining escape velocity.I used to visit animal farmers’ homes to take care of their ailing or nonproductive animals. a close interaction used to happen with them . however with sharirvigyan contemplation in background, it was not with much attachment. people did not guess it that i am avoiding something. it is the sign of educated and scholarly people that they live fully mixed with all still detached like a lotus leaf in water. so the meditation image enriched with sharirvigyan darshan while in fully active worldly mode used to reappear in mind in resting time to nullify the residual thoughts associated with those actions. in a way it used to absorb their energy. so with time it matured enough and denaded awakening. by coincidence a desolate place found to live and with further tantric yoga push it awakened after getting escape velocity.
Later on, refinement deepened further into understanding reactivity. Reactions were seen as two-layered: a primary, natural biological response, and a secondary mental commentary that sustains stress. By noticing the first micro-contraction without adding narrative, reactions began to dissolve on their own. Then an even subtler layer appeared—the role of attention itself. Even pure observation can become a subtle interference if it carries effort. Allowing sensations to exist in open, non-directed awareness dissolved even this layer.
This clarity extended into life interactions. What once seemed like necessary identification for communication was seen as functional engagement rather than true identification. Awareness had never been lost; it was simply unnoticed during intense activity. The ability to shift instantly back into non-identification showed that entanglement had never been deep.
Further refinement revealed that identification is not with objects or thoughts, but with absorbed attention. In active life, attention narrowed and became absorbed in situations; in solitude, it relaxed and allowed thoughts to be seen clearly. The next integration was to see both objects and thoughts as equal appearances, removing hierarchy between outer and inner.
This led to a practical test: in interaction, any subtle contraction in the body indicated remaining identification. True stability meant full engagement without inner tightening and without residue afterward. Social hierarchy, authority, and relational dynamics exposed the last layers of conditioning, where identity subtly forms in response to roles. Seeing this formation in real time weakened it naturally.
The earlier phase of dynamic life was recognized as a potent form of meditation, where intense engagement followed by withdrawal created sharp contrast and allowed easy entry into stillness. However, with age and maturation, such contrast became unnecessary. Stillness was no longer dependent on activity but was available directly.
Then I found that Sharirvigyan Darshan was not working that well, as it requires activity, whereas I was seeking stillness to enter the void. Inducing Sharirvigyan Darshan would induce intense activity, which would disturb stillness. Actually, it is beneficial up to a certain level of Kundalini maturation. After that, further dynamic meditation produces stress signs in the body, such as headaches and tiredness.
After this level, Tantric yoga serves better to awaken it, rather than just keep it maintained, which consumes a lot of energy. Awakening lifts it to such a level that it remains in the mind continuously and directs energy upward from the Muladhara. Then dynamic meditation like Sharirvigyan Darshan appears to be a waste of time, although it still works in active moments. However, when the direct meditation image is accessible through Tantra, why go indirectly this or that way to attain it?
The role of the meditation image, especially the dadaguru image, was then understood. It functioned as a powerful anchor because it carried emotional resonance, trust, and surrender. It helped dissolve resistance rather than forcing stillness. However, it was seen that the image itself was not the source of stillness but a mirror that allowed the dropping of control.
The progression from image-based meditation to objectless awareness became clear. Initially, the image stabilized attention and matured through repetition. Later, it became a doorway to dissolution. Eventually, even this doorway began to dissolve, revealing that no object is required for awareness to be itself.
Oscillation between object-based and objectless meditation was recognized as natural. The mind occasionally forms subtle anchors due to habit, then releases them. Over time, this oscillation settles into seamless openness where objects may appear but do not disrupt the background of awareness.
Finally, the idea of being a “classic, bookish example” of spiritual progression was examined. While the journey aligns with traditional descriptions, identifying with any narrative—even a spiritual one—creates a subtle center. The path is not something owned; it is a pattern that unfolded.
In the end, nothing remains to be achieved or abandoned. There is no need to hold, reject, stabilize, or dissolve anything. Experiences arise—bliss, silence, reaction, interaction—but none define or bind. What remains is simple, unchanging presence, within which all movements appear and disappear without leaving any trace. The sky is never coloured with passing clouds.
Demystifying Kundalini 