A New Phase Began with a Different Kind of Meditation Experience
Today I noticed something new in my meditation. After receiving a tantric energetic boost, I could clearly feel the flow through the sushumna. Along with it, anahata nada, the inner unstruck sound, became noticeable. However, one thing was different from many earlier experiences. Although the energy was active, the inner void lacked its usual clarity and depth. Sometimes the void was present but appeared dull and not very deep. At other times it almost disappeared, and my attention remained mainly occupied with the energetic flow and the inner sound. These two conditions kept alternating during the meditation.
This made me wonder whether energetic activity and deep meditation always develop together. The observation that emerged was that they may not. Sometimes energy becomes very active while the depth of meditation remains ordinary. At other times, profound silence appears with very little energetic activity. This particular meditation seemed to emphasize energetic activation rather than complete absorption into silence.
Extremely Subtle Breathing and the Appearance of Internal Humming
During the meditation my breathing gradually became extremely subtle. It almost seemed to happen by itself. The sensation appeared mainly around the throat and at times near the heart while the feeling of sushumna flow continued. Along with this, a continuous internal humming became noticeable.
The interesting part was that this humming resembled breathing in and breathing out, but it was entirely internal. It did not match the timing of my physical inhalation and exhalation. The physical breath and the internal humming appeared to function independently. I had first noticed this phenomenon during the previous day’s calm sitting, and it continued into today’s meditation as well.
One useful insight was that such inner sounds are described in yogic traditions as forms of nada, although their exact physiological basis cannot be established scientifically. Rather than chasing the sound or trying to increase it, it seemed wiser to simply allow it to remain in the background while awareness rested naturally.
The Feeling of Suffocation and What Happened Next
After nearly forty minutes of meditation, a slight feeling of suffocation gradually developed. Instead of trying to maintain the subtle breathing, I simply allowed natural breathing to return. As soon as normal breathing resumed, the discomfort disappeared completely.
What surprised me most was that the meditation did not end. Instead, the void became deeper and much clearer. This was an important observation. It suggested that deeper meditation was not dependent upon maintaining extremely subtle breathing. In fact, allowing the body to breathe naturally seemed to support rather than interrupt the meditation.
The suffocation did not appear to be related to the internal humming. The humming itself remained pleasant and satisfying. It appeared only during calm sitting with naturally slow breathing and focused meditation. The temporary urge to breathe seemed to be a separate bodily event rather than a consequence of the internal sound.
This also reinforced an important practical lesson. Whenever the body naturally asks for a fuller breath, it is wise to allow it immediately. Deep meditation does not require suppressing the body’s normal respiratory needs.
A Repeating Pattern in My Meditation
Looking back over many meditation sessions, I noticed a pattern that seems to repeat itself. For several days, tantric energetic phenomena become dominant. During these days I experience stronger energetic movement, clearer sushumna flow and more noticeable internal humming. Then, after this energetic phase settles, meditation naturally transforms into high-quality dhyana characterized by effortless stillness and natural breathlessness.
This sequence has repeated often enough that I have started recognizing it. However, one useful insight is not to expect this pattern during every practice. Meditation unfolds differently on different days, and expectations themselves can interfere with natural awareness. It is better simply to observe what happens without trying to reproduce previous experiences.
From Years of Tantra to the Emergence of Kevala Kumbhaka
For many years my life was dominated by intense tantric energy. Those years contained powerful energetic experiences and formed an important part of my spiritual journey.
Later my external circumstances gradually changed. My work responsibilities increased considerably. Living conditions shifted to a colder hilly environment where survival, routine and professional responsibilities naturally demanded greater attention. At the same time, my spiritual practice also changed. Instead of intense tantric methods, I increasingly practiced simpler Kundalini Yoga and meditation.
After these changes, something unexpected happened. Natural kevala kumbhaka began appearing spontaneously. It was not deliberately produced. Rather, it arose on its own after the energetic dominance had gradually settled.
Although it is impossible to prove that one directly caused the other, it seemed quite possible that these environmental and practical changes altered the conditions under which meditation unfolded. The observation that stood out was not that energy disappeared completely, but that awareness became quieter and meditation more effortless.
Peaceful Kundalini Yoga Versus Energetic Tantra
Another realization became increasingly clear. If tantra is set aside for some time, sincere Kundalini Yoga combined with deep meditation and supported by yogic cleansing creates remarkably peaceful days.
The result is not excitement or indulgence. Instead, ordinary daily life itself becomes peaceful. The mind remains calmer. Routine work feels lighter. Awareness carries over into daily living. This quiet contentment appears to become more valuable than extraordinary meditative experiences themselves.
Many contemplative traditions emphasize that the real value of meditation is not measured by dramatic inner experiences but by how peacefully one lives ordinary life. Looking at my own experience, this observation seems increasingly true.
How My Relationship with the World Changed
One interesting difference between my earlier tantric years and my present meditation became obvious.
During the years dominated by tantra, I experienced bliss, detachment and nondual awareness, yet worldly life remained attractive. I happily enjoyed cinema, television, travelling, comfortable living and many ordinary luxuries. Surprisingly, these enjoyments existed alongside spiritual practice without creating inner conflict. Looking back, this appears to be one remarkable quality of tantra.
The present phase feels different. Deep and quiet meditation naturally reduces attraction towards luxurious living and interactive worldly indulgence. The mind simply does not run toward such activities as before. This is not forced renunciation. Rather, the attraction itself gradually becomes weaker.
This difference resembles descriptions found in various contemplative traditions. Some emphasize remaining fully engaged with life while maintaining awareness. Others naturally lead practitioners toward simplicity because inner contentment itself becomes increasingly satisfying.
Neither approach necessarily appears superior. They simply represent different expressions of spiritual life.
Family Life Requires a Different Understanding
This observation also raised an important practical question. Family members and friends often need external satisfaction. They enjoy movies, outings, celebrations, travel and shared experiences. Relationships are nourished through these activities.
Meditation may reduce one’s own desire for such pleasures, but relationships still require participation.
One helpful understanding emerged from reflecting upon this. There is a difference between seeking enjoyment for oneself and participating lovingly for the happiness of others. Even if one personally feels complete in silence, joining family activities can become an expression of affection rather than personal craving.
The motivation changes. Earlier the activity itself may have been the source of enjoyment. Later the joy comes from sharing life with loved ones, even when the activity itself no longer carries the same attraction.
This allows inner peace and family life to coexist harmoniously instead of opposing each other.
The Continuing Journey
Looking at the entire sequence, my meditation appears to move through different phases. Strong tantric energy may dominate for several days with noticeable sushumna flow, subtle breathing and internal humming. Gradually this settles into deeper and clearer meditation where awareness becomes effortless and breathing naturally becomes extremely subtle. If the body asks for fuller breathing, allowing it naturally does not disturb meditation. Instead, clarity may actually increase.
Years of intense tantra gradually gave way to simpler Kundalini Yoga because of changes in work, environment and lifestyle. Unexpectedly, spontaneous kevala kumbhaka appeared after this transition. More importantly, the emphasis shifted from extraordinary energetic experiences to quiet inner peace that naturally continues throughout ordinary daily life.
Yet this quieter life also presents a new challenge. Family and society continue to value shared worldly experiences. Rather than rejecting them, it seems wiser to participate with love while remaining inwardly peaceful. In this way meditation does not become an escape from life but a way of living life with greater balance.
Perhaps the most valuable lesson from this entire journey is that spiritual growth does not always move in one direction. At one stage energy dominates. At another stage silence becomes more important. Sometimes meditation expresses itself through powerful inner experiences, and at other times through ordinary peace. Both phases may have their own place. The real measure of progress may not be the intensity of inner phenomena but the quiet stability, clarity and compassion that naturally begin to shape everyday life.
Demystifying Kundalini 