When Buddhi Chooses Sleep: The Yogic Psychology of Gandhārī and Dhṛtarāṣṭra

A Moment in the Mahābhārata That Demands Deeper Seeing

In the Mahabharata, Gandhārī’s decision to cover her eyes for life so as to share the blindness of her husband Dhritarāṣṭra is often praised as the highest form of devotion. Yet when looked at quietly, without sentiment, this act does not remain simple. Something in it presses for a deeper reading. It feels less like sacrifice and more like a decisive inner posture—one that silently shapes destiny.

This is not a story about physical blindness alone. It is a story about consciousness, intelligence, and the subtle ways bondage continues even in the presence of love.

Jīva as Dhṛtarāṣṭra: Blindness Carried Forward

Dhṛtarāṣṭra represents the Jīva—the individual being shaped by past karma. His blindness is not accidental and not limited to the eyes. It symbolizes a long-standing incapacity to see clearly, to discriminate, to restrain desire and attachment. This blindness is carried forward from previous births as samskāra. In this birth, it simply expresses itself openly.

Nothing in the story suggests that this Jīva could not have been aided. Blindness here is not fate sealed forever; it is a condition awaiting either reinforcement or correction.

Gandhārī as New Buddhi in a Fresh Birth

Gandhārī represents Buddhi, the faculty of intelligence and discernment. She is not blind by nature. She enters this life with clear seeing, moral strength, and the capacity to guide. Before marriage, she stands close to what can be called samaṣṭi buddhi—intelligence that is still aligned with universal order rather than personal entanglement.

This is crucial: Buddhi arrives fresh in this birth. It is capable of seeing what the Jīva cannot.

The Warnings of Elders and Gurus

The elders and gurus advise Gandhārī clearly to keep her eyes open. This is not a social detail; it is symbolic. It represents śāstra, dharma, and higher wisdom reminding Buddhi of its responsibility. The message is simple: do not abandon discernment. Love does not require blindness. Partnership does not demand the sacrifice of intelligence.

At this moment, a real choice exists.

The Decisive Act: Buddhi Choosing Slumber

Gandhārī sees the blindness of the Jīva she is about to join. Instead of remaining awake and serving as a mirror, she chooses symmetry. She decides that if the Jīva cannot see, she too will not see. This is not ignorance and not compulsion. It is a conscious, emotionally motivated decision.

Here, Buddhi abandons its dharma of viveka. It chooses companionship over correction, harmony over awakening, loyalty over truth. Intelligence does not illuminate; it lies down beside blindness. It is like the Kundalinī snake coiled and Śakti sleeping in the Mūlādhāra chakra.

This is the silent turning point of the epic.

Why This Is Not Compassion in Yogic Psychology

In yoga, compassion never requires the dimming of intelligence. Buddhi exists to bring clarity to the Jīva, not to anesthetize it. When Buddhi voluntarily suspends its seeing, it does not become noble; it becomes dormant. By blindfolding herself, Gandhārī validates the Jīva’s blindness and removes the very friction that could have led to awakening.

This is love that prefers peace over truth—and therefore sustains bondage.

Why the Jīva Remains Unawakened

A Jīva does not awaken simply because Buddhi is present. Awakening happens only when Buddhi stays awake. In this pairing, Buddhi becomes a sedative rather than medicine. The Jīva remains blind not because help was absent, but because help chose not to function.

This is the deepest tragedy: intelligence was available, but it refused its role.

Later Power, Earlier Failure

Gandhārī later demonstrates immense tapas and spiritual power. Her curse after the war is devastating. Yet this power appears only after irreparable damage has occurred. If she had seen and acted early, things could have changed. Acting only at the end changed nothing. A blind Buddhi practicing yoga may acquire various powers and siddhis, but it does not attain awakening.

Blindness postpones responsibility. What is not corrected early returns later as destruction. Similarly, a blind Buddhi practicing yoga may acquire various powers and siddhis later in life, but it does not attain awakening.

A Pattern That Repeats Everywhere

This story is not confined to an ancient epic. It repeats wherever intelligence dims itself to preserve relationship, wherever clarity is sacrificed to avoid disturbance, wherever love fears awakening more than ignorance. In such moments, Buddhi chooses sleep, and Jīva continues as it is.

Awareness cannot be awakened by someone who refuses to see.

Final Understanding: How Bondage Continues Quietly

The Jīva was blind due to past karma.
The Buddhi was seeing in this birth.
But Buddhi chose sleep over sight, companionship over awakening.

Thus blindness continued—not by fate, not by ignorance, but by a conscious choice made in the name of love.

Liberation does not fail because light is absent.
It fails when intelligence willingly turns away from seeing.

Beyond Death and Liberation: Holding Consciousness Between Worlds

A Personal Reflection on Trishanku, Vishvamitra, Kundalini, and the Inner Guru

How Compassion, Ritual, and Inner Prayer Hold Consciousness Until Liberation Ripens

The Classical Story of Trishanku: The King Suspended Between Heaven and Earth

In the ancient tradition, King Trishanku of the Ikshvāku lineage desired to ascend to heaven in his physical body. When the royal priests refused to perform the rite, he approached the sage Viśvāmitra, whose tapas was unmatched. Through his austere power, Viśvāmitra attempted to send Trishanku to the celestial realms, provoking resistance from the gods. When the ascent was obstructed, Trishanku was left suspended between heaven and earth, neither accepted by the devas nor returned to the mortal world. Refusing to let him fall, Viśvāmitra established him in a unique state—neither fully liberated nor condemned—where he remained held by the force of the sage’s tapas.

Rethinking the Trishanku Story: Blessing, Not Punishment

I have often felt that the story of Vishvamitra and King Trishanku is misunderstood. Most readings stop at ego, rivalry, or defiance of the gods. But to me, it feels very different. It feels like a blessing, not a punishment. Vishvamitra did not abandon Trishanku halfway. He held him.

I feel Vishvamitra created an abode for Trishanku not out of anger, but out of compassion. However, it may be understood as a spiritual anger directed toward the devas for denying liberation to Trishanku. It was pure and positive—aimed at growth, and getting inspiration to do a great job, not rivalry. Trishanku was not ready for full liberation, yet he should not have fallen back. So Vishvamitra, through tapas, prayer, and sheer inner power, held him in between—high enough to be safe, steady enough to ripen. This suspension itself feels like grace. Liberation is not always immediate. Sometimes it is protection from regression.

Rituals for the Departed: Collective Tapas in Everyday Life

When I look at society today, I see the same intention expressed differently. People perform Bhagavatam kathas, shraddhas, yagyas, pindas, and tarpanas, prayers, rest in peace or RIP for their departed loved ones. These are not empty rituals. They are collective efforts to hold consciousness high enough so that it does not collapse back into unconscious karmic drift. Vishvamitra did this alone. Ordinary people do it together, repeatedly, across time.

Seen this way, Trishanku becomes an archetype. Not damned. Not liberated. But protected. Suspended with care.

When the Myth Became Personal: My Own Experience

This is not just philosophy for me. It touched my life directly.

Dream Visitations and the Call for Assistance

After the death of a close acquaintance, I experienced her presence repeatedly in dream visitations. These were not frightening. They were not dramatic. They felt like a seeking—an unspoken request for assistance in liberation. I did not try to command anything. I did not panic. I prayed.

Prayer, Kundalini, and the Meaning of Urging God

I prayed strongly. I urged kundalini for her peace, for her liberation, for forgiveness of acts that might be preventing liberation, for release from unresolved weight. For me, kundalini is representative of God—not as a personality, but as the deepest intelligence of integration. Urging kundalini is urging God. It is aligning intention with the highest coherence of consciousness. We may even call it a personified dhyāna-supporting chitra that often lingers during savikalpa dhyāna and, as it converges toward nirvikalpa dhyāna, enables a smooth and rapid transition.

I also urge liberation for all beings, twice daily, in my dhyana. I do this because liberation is not a limited resource. It is not like physical matter that gets exhausted by giving. It is like light. It can be wished for all, together, without loss. This understanding feels very clear to me.

Signs of Resolution: Clarity, Softening, and Residual Sadness

Over time, I noticed something important. The appearances in dreams became clearer. Calmer. More refined. Each interaction carried less confusion. There was a subtle sadness present—not fear, not agitation—but a gentle sorrow. It felt connected to not being perfectly cared for during illness and the dying phase. I did not try to fix this sadness. I simply allowed it. I know it will resolve one day on its own.

This clarity felt like confirmation—not in a grand mystical sense, but in a quiet, settling way. Something was integrating. Something was being completed.

Kundalini as Dhyana Chitra: The Inner Guru Clarified

I want to be clear about one thing. When I speak of kundalini here, I mean dhyana chitra. The inner meditative image. The inner guru. Not a voice. Not an external command. Not an authority that tells me what to do. It is orientation, not instruction. It does not demand action. It dissolves naturally in meditation.

Where Resolution Truly Happens

On careful observation, I see that nothing was resolved outside me. The resolution happened within. A tense relational field completed itself, which is why clarity increased and interactions became softer instead of more intense.

This reflects the true purpose of ancient rituals. They were meant as acts of love, not fear—support rather than rescue, holding rather than pulling. Their role was to stabilize awareness, reduce downward pull, and allow natural ripening to occur. It means these practices certainly work in this world, and they may also have effects beyond it, in the afterworld as well.

Yogic Understanding: Death as Pratyahara and Suspension

From a yogic perspective, death itself is forced pratyahara. The danger is regression into old samskaras. Holding practices—whether tapas, prayer, ritual, or remembrance—keep awareness above that collapse point or above throat chakra. Trishanku’s suspension mirrors this exactly.

Psychological Grounding: Grief, Holding, and Completion

From a psychological perspective, this is also healthy grief. Remembering without clinging. Caring without binding. Letting go without denial. Societies that abandon ritual often carry unresolved trauma because transitions are left unheld.

Responsibility Without Burden

One crucial truth remains central to me. I am not responsible for liberating anyone. I am responsible for not obstructing liberation with fear, guilt, or attachment. My prayers are permission, not intervention. Opening, not pushing.

Why Experiences Fade When Resolution Occurs

That is why these experiences naturally fade. Fewer visitations. Less emotional charge. More neutrality. Eventual quiet disappearance. Resolution softens. It does not escalate.

This is the role of the inner guru. Not to act. Not to control. But to allow completion to happen without force.

Returning to Trishanku: The Archetype of Compassionate Suspension

When I look back at Vishvamitra and Trishanku now, the story feels intimate, not mythic. One consciousness holding another until gravity loosens. One being refusing to let another fall, without pretending readiness that is not yet there.

Different methods. Same compassion.

Not a Conclusion, But a Resting Place

This blog is not a conclusion. It is a resting place. A suspension that does not need to hurry. Just as liberation itself does not hurry.

Chapter 31: lobha third basic emotion in quantum world

In Tantra, the impulses of desire, anger, and greed are not treated as moral weaknesses. They are understood as natural forces through which energy moves in every individual and in the universe. Kāma becomes the drive to create, Krodha becomes the power to correct or change, and Lobha becomes the tendency to collect and protect what has been gained. Among these, Lobha (greed) is seen as the urge to expand and preserve energy. It is similar to how the universe gathers energy before releasing it. Therefore, instead of being condemned immediately, Lobha is first understood as an energetic movement of accumulation, which can later be refined into awareness, contentment, and responsible preservation.

LOBHA (Greed) — The Urge to Accumulate, Expand, and Hold Energy

Quantum Energy Quantization

In quantum physics, even an electron displays a tendency to accumulate energy. It usually remains in a stable, low-energy orbit, but when it absorbs additional energy, it holds that extra energy for a period of time before releasing it as light. This temporary hoarding is comparable to the human mind’s habit of collecting and holding on to experiences, belongings, status, or recognition, often out of a fear of losing them. In this sense, Lobha is understood as the inertia of energy, a natural force that attempts to retain what has been gained. In an atom, such retention causes temporary instability; in human life, it manifests as anxiety, possessiveness, or the inability to let go. Greed, therefore, is not only a moral challenge but an energetic stage in which accumulation waits for maturity before it can release and transform.

If we have hoarded a lot, it is not easy to let it go at once, because those hoardings occupy space in our mental well. That space cannot be vacated immediately due to the fear that their removal will create a dark void inside. Over time, however, our experiences mature and our knowledge grows. This growing awareness begins to take their place and gradually pushes the old hoardings to the sides. When the pressure of knowledge and awareness becomes strong enough, it naturally replaces those hoardings in the mental well. Then, we become capable of letting them go physically as well.

Another option is to start hoarding better-quality material, which automatically displaces the old and outdated hoardings. However, this is only a temporary, makeshift solution. Permanent de-hoarding is possible only through minimalism supported by knowledge and awareness.

Gravitational Accretion (Star Formation)

In astrophysics, stars are born out of a gradual process of accumulation. Vast clouds of dust and gas pull surrounding matter toward themselves through gravity. As this mass grows, internal pressure and heat increase, and when the accumulation reaches a critical point, the cloud ignites to form a star. This natural process reflects the working of Lobha in human life. Greed begins by collecting wealth, power, information, or recognition, drawing more and more into the orbit of personal desire. With time, the pressure of what we possess often becomes unbearable, forcing either a collapse through dissatisfaction or a transformation into something creative and radiant. In this way, Lobha can be understood as the gravitational pull of the ego, which gathers energy around the idea of “me.” If the accumulated energy becomes refined rather than suffocating, it can ignite into insight and wisdom, just as a star is born from the intense accumulation of matter.

Quantum Vacuum Energy (Zero-Point Energy)

According to quantum physics, space is never truly empty. Even when matter and radiation are removed, the vacuum continues to hold an immense sea of fluctuating energy known as zero-point energy. This energy is never fully released and remains as a constant background activity of the universe. In human experience, the silent mind also contains subtle impulses and unexpressed desires. These latent tendencies, or vāsanās, continue to vibrate beneath the surface even when no visible craving is present. In this sense, Lobha can be understood as the quiet restlessness of existence itself—the tendency to hold potential, to preserve possibility before it becomes action. It is a kind of cosmic “memory,” a subtle stickiness by which consciousness continues to sustain creation, even in stillness.

Magnetic Saturation and Hysteresis

In physics, a magnetized material continues to hold magnetism even after the external magnetic field that created that alignment is removed. This phenomenon, known as magnetic hysteresis, shows how matter can retain a memory of its past orientation. A similar pattern can be seen in human behavior. Once greed has trained the mind to seek gain, the desire continues even when the actual need for acquisition has disappeared. The mind keeps pulling, not because something is necessary, but because it has been conditioned to accumulate. In spiritual terms, this clinging tendency, called āsakti, is like the residual magnetism of past impressions that continue to influence perception and action. Only deep awareness—developed through meditation and inner clarity—can dissolve this stored conditioning, similar to how demagnetization restores a material to a neutral, balanced state.

How Demagnetizing Memory Works: Love, Attachment, and the Science of Letting Go

The above Magnetic Saturation and Hysteresis can be understood through the analogy of a love relationship. When two people become deeply intimate, one partner is often emotionally stronger and more influential, while the other is more receptive. The weaker partner is like an iron rod, and the stronger partner is like a magnet. Even after separation, the iron continues to carry the magnetic alignment produced by the magnet. In the same way, the weaker partner continues to hold the impressions and memories of the stronger one long after the relationship ends.

To remove this magnetized memory from iron, we do not throw away the magnet itself. Instead, the same magnet is used in a different way—moved in zigzag motions, reversed in direction, assisted by heating, or by striking the iron. These methods disrupt the alignment and gradually demagnetize the iron. This offers a profound insight into human psychology as well.

When the mental image of a departed lover remains in someone’s mind and keeps them emotionally aligned with that person, the same image can be used to dissolve the attachment—but only if approached differently. We do not remember the person with the same emotional immersion as before. Instead, the memory is allowed to fade by keeping less attention on it and more attention on worldly activities. This gradually breaks its alignment.

“Heating” the magnet-form image corresponds to energizing the mind through yoga or spiritual practice, which weakens emotional fixation. “Hammering” iron represents being engaged in demanding work, stress, responsibility, and worldly struggles, which shake up the mind enough to loosen attachments.

Yoga and samadhi go a step further. In deep meditation, the mental image is brightened to its fullest expression, but without clinging to its physical counterpart. The body of the lover is itself recognized as temporary and unreal with it; only the inner image is seen as its real projection in the mind. This dissolves the magnetism of emotional memory. In the highest samadhi, merging completely with the inner image leads to merging with the entire cosmos or God. Once the mind expands into the whole, no individual memory has the power to bind it anymore.

Interestingly, this is similar to the best demagnetization technique for iron: the same magnet is moved rapidly over it in constantly changing directions, without touching it, and slowly withdrawn from a distance. The mental image of the lover is also not physically touched; it is expressed fully within consciousness as savikalp samadhi and then released gradually towards nirvikalp samadhi of complete removal to avoid emotional shock or a sudden return of attachment.

Some replace the lover’s image with a guru’s image. This works even more effectively. A guru is like a stronger magnet that can remove previous emotional imprints from the disciple more quickly and clearly, when approached correctly through samadhi and awareness.

Black Holes — Ultimate Accumulators

In astrophysics, a black hole is a region of space where matter collapses inward under such intense gravity that it begins to consume everything around it. Nothing escapes its pull—not matter, not light, not even time. With every fragment of energy it absorbs, it becomes denser, darker, and more inwardly contracted. The same pattern appears in human consciousness when greed grows without wisdom. Instead of expanding life, greed becomes a collapse of awareness into a narrow sense of self, where nothing satisfies and everything is consumed without bringing fulfillment. At its extreme, Lobha does not create growth; it turns creation into contraction. Only when awareness penetrates this inward pull, like crossing an event horizon, does it recognize that what it was trying to acquire and defend was never separate—it was attempting to hoard its own self without knowing it.

Summary

Across different sciences, Lobha or greed appears as a natural tendency of accumulation. At the atomic level, an electron holds extra energy for some time before releasing it, just as the human mind clings to emotions or possessions out of insecurity. In the formation of stars, gravity gathers dust and gas into a growing mass, and this resembles the way people collect wealth, status, or power in an attempt to feel stronger. Even in the so-called empty vacuum of space, an underlying sea of energy remains, mirroring the subtle cravings and latent desires (vāsanās) that continue to exist even in a silent mind. Magnetic materials retain a memory of past alignment, just as the mind remains attached to earlier gains and continues to seek more, even when the need has passed. At the extreme, greed becomes like a black hole that keeps consuming without satisfaction, pulling everything into itself and losing its true nature in the process. Thus, whether subtle or intense, Lobha behaves like an energy that gathers, stores, and clings—until awareness transforms it.

Uncontrolled Lobha (greed) is like a black hole. It sees no limits and makes no distinction between good or bad, legitimate or illegitimate, rightful or wrongful, hoardable or non-hoardable. It simply hoards everything. It does not even spare light, believing that light too will serve its purpose someday. Such extreme attachment to hoarding turns it into a black demon. Its own being becomes clouded and darkened with impurities, entering a state of bondage from which liberation becomes extremely difficult.

It may take form again and again—like the unending cycle of birth and death of a bound soul. This is why ancient wisdom says: unawareful hoarding leads to bondage of the soul and repeated return to the world through countless cycles of rebirth.

On the other hand, a star hoards only as much as is necessary—just enough to shine and illuminate others. Most stars avoid excessive hoarding out of the inherent fear of becoming black holes. So, they remain alert, slim, and disciplined, using limited resources in their fullest service to humanity. Many even adopt a kind of cosmic minimalism, becoming small stars so that they never turn into the bound, trapped soul of a black hole.

At the time of their death, such stars return all their constituents to space with gratitude, so that other stars may grow. In this way, they become free and liberated.

The same pattern is seen in human beings. The very light that was meant to nurture creation, to uplift life with growth, harmony, and development, is today being mercilessly seized by exploiters. Instead of illuminating the world, it is hoarded and weaponized against the very beings it was meant to serve. How can someone call themselves happy while stealing the glow and innocence from other faces? How can anyone hope to discover the light of liberation while pushing others into the depths of poverty, ignorance, and darkness?

True spirituality can never flourish in a heart that takes pleasure in making people addicted, dependent, resourceless, poor, unemployed, or stripped of dignity. Those who thrive by weakening others only nurture the shadows within themselves. Their success is not achievement—it is a burden of injustice. No meditation, no ritual, no worship can grant awakening to a mind that knowingly destroys the dreams, health, and opportunities of others.

Real spiritual growth comes only through uplifting lives, not exploiting them. Light expands when shared—and liberation becomes real only when it frees others, not when it traps them. To walk toward enlightenment is to become a source of light, strength, knowledge, compassion, and self-sufficiency for the world. The more we empower others, the brighter our own inner light becomes. Inner light increases only by sharing it with others, like stars do. That is why, for achievements, stars are given. Snatching light from others does not raise one’s own light; it turns the heart into a ghostly, dark black hole instead.

Philosophical Synthesis

From a spiritual and cosmic perspective, the three primary impulses of human emotion are seen as movements of energy with universal functions. Kāma, or desire, directs energy outward toward connection and union, and this outward movement becomes the basis for creation itself, symbolically represented by Brahma and Shakti. Krodha, or anger, is an explosive surge of energy that seeks to correct, break, or remove what obstructs balance; this power of destruction and transformation is associated with the force of Rudra. Lobha, or greed, turns energy inward, gathering and preserving what has been acquired. This inward pull becomes the principle of preservation in the cosmos, represented by Vishnu. Thus, these three emotions are not merely personal weaknesses but three fundamental currents of energy—creating, destroying, and preserving—through which the universe maintains its balance.

Spiritual Transmutation of Lobha

Lobha, or the urge to accumulate, evolves through different stages as a person grows in awareness. In its most ignorant form, it expresses itself as the hoarding of wealth, objects, and power. This type of greed leads to stagnation, because the energy that should flow becomes trapped in possession. With awareness, Lobha becomes more refined. The urge to gather turns toward collecting knowledge, strength, and inner energy rather than external objects. This stage creates stability, because what is gathered nourishes growth instead of suffocating it. At its highest level, Lobha becomes a force that preserves truth, compassion, and wisdom. Instead of clinging to possessions, one protects values that sustain life. Here, accumulation transforms into responsibility: one gathers not for oneself, but for the well-being of all. In this enlightened state, Lobha acts as dharmic protection, preserving what is good for the world rather than what merely benefits the ego.

Thus Lobha is not merely vice — it’s Vishnu’s sustaining principle when purified.
At its lower form, it hoards;
At its higher form, it nurtures, protects, and sustains what is sacred.

Quantum Nonduality: How Hoarding Turned Into Spiritual Growth

The quantum facts above perfectly reflect my life story. Quantum science is unburdening me in the form of quantum darshan. It is showing me a mirror of the past, present, and future. By exposing the past, it dissolves it peacefully. By revealing the present, it makes me nondual and detached, like a quantum particle. By indicating the future, it assures me of liberation, provided I follow its path.

I remember a time when I had become excessively possessive—thinking only about money. I even began demanding money, of course legitimately and rightfully. But whenever money comes in between, whether legitimate or illegitimate, it creates a rift in relationships—sometimes large, sometimes subtle, externally or internally. When I saw how futile this race for possession was, I stopped.

The habit of willful hoarding found no outer direction, so it turned inward. It began expressing itself as a hoarding of yoga, meditation, writing, blogging, and the pursuit of knowledge. Thus, a harsh physical habit eventually cleared the inner path for my growth.

Perhaps it happened so easily and quickly because I already had a nondual attitude during these hoardings, mainly supported by ancestral sanskaras and assisted by Sharirvigyan Darshan. In this state, everything felt equal to me. I saw hoarding knowledge as equal to hoarding material things.

Quantum science also says the same: everything is vibration and essentially equal, whether it appears hard and external or soft and internal within the mind. Quantum darshan shapes this understanding into a spiritual form of nonduality.

Had I not adopted a nondual attitude during this hoarding phase, I would have later considered knowledge to be inferior to material possessions, and the hoarding tendency would never have received a chance to express itself inwardly. In that case, it would have remained suffocated within me—either causing inner suffocation or eventually turning back towards material hoarding in another form.

So, in short, we can say that a nondual attitude, like the behavior of quantum particles, supports every aspect of life at every step.

Chapter 24: When the Atom Dissolves the Ego

The exploration that began with matter and moved towards the self now reaches another doorway. Matter has been seen not as something separate but as a reflection of the self. The body has been observed not as a lifeless machine but as a field of consciousness woven through atoms, molecules, tissues, and energies. Now comes the most delicate and mysterious turn in this journey, where the very atom itself reveals the illusion of doership and quietly melts the ego away.

Every atom is endlessly active. Within it, protons and neutrons are bound in ceaseless dance, while electrons whirl around with unimaginable speed. Yet in all this activity, never does an atom declare, “I am the doer.” There is no self-assertion in its functioning. It simply acts because action is woven into its nature. The atom never claims ownership of creation, and yet without it, nothing can move. In this silent humility of the atom lies a mirror for the human being. The body, built of countless atoms, also functions in the same way. Breath rises and falls, blood circulates, thoughts appear and fade, but nowhere within does the body say, “I am the thinker.” Thoughts are not manufactured by the body; they are ripples in the vast lake of mind.

Ancient wisdom had already noticed this truth. In the Gita it is said that the gunas act upon the gunas. Forces of nature act upon forces of nature. Fire burns because it is the nature of fire to burn, wind blows because it is the nature of wind to move. Likewise, actions emerge from the body and mind because it is their nature to act. The witnessing consciousness remains untouched. The illusion of ego is nothing but the mind’s mistaken identification with this flow of actions. Ego believes, “I am doing,” whereas in truth action is happening through the gunas, just as rain falls or a flower blossoms.

Science, too, has begun to echo the same insight in its own language. Physics shows that before any particle is observed, it exists in superposition, holding many possibilities together. Only in the moment of observation does one outcome collapse into being. In the same way, before a thought arises, the mind is filled with infinite possibilities. Each thought is like a quantum collapse, a crystallization from the field of potential into the world of form. Prior to thought, there is only a vast dark stillness, a zero point where every possibility cancels itself by its opposite, leaving nothing but unexpressed energy. This state of unmanifest mind is experienced in meditation as a deep darkness, an ocean without ripples.

When one emerges from samadhi, there is often no immediate storm of thoughts. First, the still energy is felt, like a dark silence holding everything within it. Only afterwards does the chain of thoughts begin to rise, one by one, each collapse giving birth to the next. Ancient yogic language called this process vyutthana, the return of the mind from samadhi. The modern physicist calls it the movement from superposition to collapse. The meaning is the same: from pure potential arises form, from silence arises sound, from stillness arises motion.

During meditation, scattered traces of thoughts may appear like clouds on a clear sky. The seeker need not fight them. Simply allowing them to pass keeps the mind open to the vast akarnava, the boundless ocean beyond. Sometimes a gentle mental chanting of akarnava itself helps link the mind with this endlessness. And when thoughts grow heavy, the ancient method of neti neti offers a simple key. Neti means “not this.” At intervals, when a thought appears, it is quietly dissolved by remembering, “not this, not this.” The thought fades back into the void. Yet even this practice must remain subtle, for if repeated without pause, it turns mechanical and loses its power. Used occasionally, it creates sudden dips into stillness, where breath slows and relaxation deepens.

In deeper meditation, when the awareness is extended to the entire sitting body, something extraordinary is noticed. The body itself becomes a gateway to the cosmos. Every chakra within the body is a hidden archive of universal patterns. Within the heart lie echoes of cosmic emotions, within the throat the seeds of all expression, within the brow the visions of countless worlds. When the whole body is kept in gentle notice, the entire cosmos hidden within begins to open. Thoughts connected with the universe itself may arise, only to dissolve in the same silence.

Yet sometimes meditation feels blocked. Energy stuck at certain chakras creates a sensation of suffocation or heaviness. Breath automatically begins to focus on that region as if the body is trying to heal itself. This is not for oxygen but for prana, the subtle energy required by that chakra. Until these blockages are released, meditation remains shallow. Breathlessness is the sign of release. When, after working through the chakras, breath is naturally held at the end of inhalation or exhalation, a depth opens where suffocation disappears. The once-blocked chakra now feels free, or at least so subtle in its lack that it cannot stop the energy from rising. From this breathless stillness, meditation enters its deepest flow.

Actually, after mastering prāṇa through repeated yoga practice, one can hold the breath at will and focus on an energy-deficient chakra. That chakra then feels “hungry” for breath, producing a sharp, suffocating sensation. In reality, it is not hunger for air; it is hunger for prāṇa. When attention is placed on that sensation, the energy in the suṣumṇā naturally floods that chakra and satisfies it, even while the breath remains stopped or nearly absent. When all the chakras become fully nourished with prāṇa, a breathless and deeply satisfied state appears, which is wonderful and naturally leads to a mindless dhyāna-like stillness.

Seen in this light, the discoveries of Sanatan Dharma appear less as religious imagination and more as profound quantum insights in disguise. The sages saw that everything in existence is conscious in its own way, and thus they worshipped every element as divine. Stones, rivers, trees, animals, all were held as manifestations of the same conscious field. Idols and mandalas were not superstitions but symbolic mirrors to the cosmic order hidden within the atom and within the self. Today, quantum scientists too are beginning to wonder if consciousness itself plays a role in the collapse of possibilities into one outcome. The ancient and the modern are slowly meeting on the same ground.

Science shows the structure. Biology reveals the process. Matter, in its endless forms, presents the illusion of separation. But Sharirvigyan Darshan, the direct seeing of the body as a field of consciousness, dissolves ego through pure vision. In this vision, it becomes clear that the self is not an atom, not a cell, not a body. The self is the field in which all these arise and into which they dissolve. Ego may pretend to be the doer, but the atom has no such illusion. Ego may take ownership of thought, but thought itself is only a quantum ripple arising from silence.

The final freedom is nothing dramatic. It is the melting of ego, the end of false ownership. When this happens, silence itself shines forth, not as something achieved but as something that was always there. The self remains, untouched, unbroken, ever luminous. The journey through atoms, body, mind, and cosmos ends where it began, in the pure witnessing that needs no name.

Thus the story comes full circle. The human being entered the investigation thinking of himself as a separate doer and knower. He examined matter, cells, energies, and mind. He discovered that the atom does not claim doership, the body does not think, the mind does not own thoughts. The gunas act upon the gunas, and he is only the witness. In that recognition, the atom dissolved the ego. The silence behind all action became visible. That silence is the self, radiant and free.

And here ends the adventure of Sharirvigyan Darshan as Quantum Darshan, not in noise but in a quiet flowering. When the atom is seen as innocent of doership, the ego cannot survive. When the body is seen as a field of energies, the mind cannot cling. When thought is seen as a ripple in the quantum ocean, the self shines as the boundless sky. This is the final realization, simple and astonishing: the self was never hidden, only the illusion of doership covered it. With its melting, the journey finds its destination, and the seeker finds himself where he always was—free, silent, eternal.

Diwali Week: A Yogi’s Practical Insights Through Temple Experiences

This Diwali week, after a long journey, I visited my ancestral home and stayed there for several days. It was a joyful time — being again with family, relatives, and friends, celebrating the festival of lights in full enthusiasm. Yet along with the outer joy, many new practical yogic experiences unfolded naturally.

I was so involved in the living flow of the festival — meeting people, travelling, helping family, and feeling the spirit of Diwali — that I could not write them down then. But within those days, in between the busy movements, I received sharp insights that no book or teaching could give. These experiences came in the most natural settings — especially when I got moments of solitude inside the city temples while my family was shopping nearby.

Day 1 – Durga–Bhairav Temple: The Dual Anchor of Meditation

On the first day, after dropping my family at a city shopping complex, I went straight to a Durga temple.
There, in front of the large and powerful idol of Maa Durga, I sat in padmāsana. The moment I closed my eyes, deep stillness descended. Soon, the breath became effortless — almost absent — and I entered Kevala Kumbhak, the natural breathless dhyāna.

At intervals, I opened my eyes and looked at the idol. Every single glance into the serene face of Durga instantly deepened the state again, as if the outer image was helping the inner form stabilize. The image remained alive even after closing the eyes, glowing vividly in the mental screen — not as imagination, but as a living vibration.

In front of Durga’s idol was a smaller statue of Bhairav. When the attention slightly tired or mind became neutral, I gazed at Bhairav’s image instead. Strangely, his gaze and energy acted as another anchor, rekindling the stillness from a different polarity — sharp, grounding, and stabilizing.

Thus, I discovered a beautiful rhythm: when Durga’s compassionate presence began to feel saturated, I turned to Bhairav’s fierce calmness; when that too reached a plateau, I returned to Durga.
It was like alternating currents of Shakti and Shiva, feminine and masculine energy, balancing and sustaining each other — a living demonstration of Ardhanārīśvara tattva.

Perhaps this is the deeper reason why Durga and Bhairav idols are placed together in many temples. For ordinary devotees, it represents protection and blessing. But for a yogi, it becomes a direct energetic mechanism — allowing both polarities of consciousness to support dhyāna.
The ordinary mind may see the idol as an object, but the yogic mind perceives it as a mirror of consciousness.

I realized that idols (pratimā) are not merely symbolic or devotional aids — they are scientific instruments of meditation. For a sincere meditator, the benefit is immediate and measurable: the mind falls into stillness the very moment one connects with the living image. That is direct proof, not belief.

Others, who approach idols only through tradition or emotion, also receive benefits, though subtler and delayed. But to a real yogi, the result is instant — the statue becomes alive, the mind becomes no-mind.

Evening – Shulini Sister Temple: The Silent Pindi and the Deep Breathless Stillness

In the evening of the same day, when my family again went for shopping, I visited Shulini Mata’s sister temple.
The environment was deeply sattvic like earlier temple: gentle movement of people, occasional ringing of the temple bell, mantra chants from distant devotees, the fragrance of burning incense, oil lamps glowing in rows, and from time to time, the conch sound from the priest echoing through the hall.
Each element seemed perfectly tuned to draw the consciousness inward.

The main deity was not a fully personified idol but a stone pindi — a simple mound of stone representing the goddess. Silver eyes were fixed on it, with tiny black dots marking the pupils, and a nose faintly carved in the middle. Despite this simplicity, or perhaps because of it, the image radiated immense power.

As I sat before it, the same Kevala Kumbhak arose again naturally — effortless, spontaneous, and prolonged. The experience was even deeper than in the morning. I remained in vajrāsana for forty-five minutes to an hour. My legs went numb, yet the body felt weightless, pain absent. Awareness remained centered, breath minimal, mind absorbed in the living vibration of the pindi.

That evening, I learned that personification is not necessary for divine connection. Even a symbolic form — if approached in stillness — can become a complete doorway to samādhi.
What matters is the state of mind, not the complexity of the idol.

Day 2 – Shani Temple and Saraswati Painting: The Spontaneous Prāṇāyāma Emerges

The next day, while on the way to relatives’ home, my family again stopped for shopping. I dropped them out of the car, parked it safely, and started searching for a new temple — a change that could help me enter deeper dhyāna again without feeling bored. It made me realize that the more temples there are, the better it is for a seeker; one can keep visiting different temples daily and repeat the cycle once all have been covered. This means it is good, both socially and economically, to build as many temples as possible. That is exactly why we see countless temples in pilgrimage towns. Some people may ask, “Why so many? Why not just one?” But human likings differ — just as there are many kinds of sweets, not only one. The same principle applies here. I found a Shani temple nearby and decided to sit there for a while. The main sanctum was closed, but on the outer wall was a small painting of Goddess Saraswati. I sat on the cool marble floor and used that painting as my dhyāna anchor. As concentration deepened, something remarkable happened: effortless rhythmic breaths began — not forced, not practiced, but arising on their own. Each inbreath was imperceptible; each outbreath carried a subtle sound — like a soft, continuous “gharr” vibration, resembling bhrāmarī prāṇāyāma but much subtler and self-born.

The awareness stayed steady, and the breath pattern continued automatically — a clear reminder that real prāṇāyāma is spontaneous, not mechanical.

Scriptures mention countless types of prāṇāyāma and their benefits, but the essence is often misunderstood. The yogi who practices Kundalinī Yoga eventually discovers that these classical prāṇāyāmas are natural by-products of inner awakening — not techniques to be imitated but symptoms of true meditative absorption.

When energy begins to move naturally through the channels (nāḍīs), prāṇa itself reshapes the breathing pattern according to the need of inner transformation. Trying to imitate these states from scriptures — without the foundation of dhyāna — may give some outer sensations, but they are superficial.
Such imitation can even give illusion of attainment — a feeling that one has mastered all prāṇāyāma — while in truth, the deeper awakening remains untouched.

Therefore, one must understand that the real prāṇāyāma of the scriptures refers to the spontaneous phenomenon arising during deep kundalinī sādhanā, not the deliberate breathing exercises often mistaken for it. I don’t know, but perhaps these superficial forms of prāṇāyāma gradually lead to deeper dhyāna, either in a worldly or spiritual way. One may also become accustomed to them, so that when spontaneous prāṇāyāma arises naturally, it doesn’t come as a shock. Therefore, even these external practices should be taken positively.

Summary Insight

Across all these temple experiences, one truth became clearer:

  • Idols, images, and symbols are not only external aids but also living focal points for consciousness.
  • The feminine and masculine energies (Durga–Bhairav) act alternately to balance the mind.
  • The form of deity — whether human-like or abstract — is secondary; the stillness it invokes is the real prāṇa.
  • True prāṇāyāma, like true samādhi, happens naturally in the state of inner silence.

These few days of Diwali brought me both family joy and spiritual refinement. I returned back with a deep gratitude — for the divine presence that works through simple images, through silence, through breathless stillness, and even through the seemingly ordinary circumstances of daily life.

In this way, the festival of light truly became a festival of inner illumination.

Riding Over Sleep

The very next day, my sleep broke at 2:30 a.m. I left the bed and sat on the ground in asana. The breath was agitated but not as rocket-like as the previous day. After trying for an hour, I did yogasana for the next half hour, followed by spinal breathing. Then I again tried dhyana for an hour — no success, though the witnessing of buried thoughts continued with a sense of bliss. But how can the mind be satisfied with that once it has tasted the deep breathless dhyana?

Afterwards, I ate a bowl of khichari, a ripe apple, and some herbal tea. However, the herbal tea, being strong, caused a little acidity, so I decided not to use it in a strong ratio in the future. Then I sat again for half an hour, but there was not much improvement. The morning light has grown outside. After that, I did chakra meditation on each chakra. A blissful yogic pressure arose, and I felt dhyana ripening. There was some throat obstruction, so I did jala neti. At various moments during the entire sitting since beginning, pranic energy was rushing upward.

Then deep dhyana launched — the breath became very shallow, and there was a partial entry into pure awareness. For a moment or two, the breath stopped completely, with total merging into pure awareness, but it was too transient. Suddenly, the face of a man seemingly practicing distorted tantra appeared with a strange, cursing expression—though silent, it felt as if he were speaking ill behind my back. This vision dislodged me from that dhyana despite my attempt to remain unaffected.

A new understanding emerged — Dictatorial control, even if positive in intent, should not be held in mind toward such selfstyle people. The amazing thing is that it becomes little bit difficult to reopen the pranic channels and flow energy inside them even after just a few days of yogic inactivity or worldly involvement, or both. Moreover, sexual energy had also been drained away to clean and freshly refill the reservoir. This, too, had slightly slowed the upward movement of energy. Truly, successful yoga depends on many positive contributing factors, not just one. Each factor adds gradually, culminating in a unified whole. Like bricks coming together to build a sturdy home, all these elements combine to create the full structure of yoga practice. Let us now pick up the formal yoga blog next.

Riding Over Sleep

There’s something I keep noticing — sleep and yoga feel almost the same sometimes. When I sit quietly, some people around me say I’m not meditating, just sitting and pretending while actually dozing off. They don’t know how thin that line really is.

In a jagrata, during an all-night bhajan or kirtan for Mata or Shiva, something similar happens. You ride on the wave of sleep instead of letting it swallow you. The body is tired, but you don’t collapse. You stay alert through music, rhythm, and devotion. Slowly the boundary between waking and sleep melts. If you manage to stay aware at that edge, you touch a state that feels like Nirvikalpa — awareness without thought, just stillness watching itself. However if one is highly tired, he may sleep too while sitting in meditation pose. Moreover, it is better to meditate at a sufficient distance from such kirtans; otherwise, the loudspeaker’s sound can be disturbing. However, it should still be faintly audible so that its sattvic vibrations can have an uplifting and purifying influence.

Spiritually it makes sense. The repetition of divine names and surrender quiets the usual noise of the mind. Consciousness stays bright though the body is dull. You hover right between wake and sleep — the thin doorway the scriptures call Turiya, the state behind waking, dream, and deep sleep.

Even physiologically it fits. Chanting soothes the nerves, slows the breath, and keeps you relaxed but awake. Sleep pressure builds, yet rhythm and emotion don’t let you slip into full sleep. The brain rests while awareness stands guard — a soft, glowing balance that scientists call a hypnagogic state, and yogis call bliss.

So yes, jagrata can really open that doorway if the inner condition is right. Not everyone reaches Nirvikalpa through it, but the path runs that way.

The Mandukya Upanishad describes this beautifully. It speaks of four states — waking (jagrat), dream (svapna), deep sleep (sushupti), and the fourth one, Turiya. The first three come and go, but Turiya stays untouched. When you are at that sleepy edge during bhajan yet remain aware, you are already brushing Turiya.

Yoga Vasistha echoes the same truth. Sage Vasistha tells Rama that a wise person “sleeps even while awake and is awake even while asleep.” It means a yogi’s awareness doesn’t blink, no matter what the body does. What ordinary people call rest becomes conscious rest for the yogi. The body may be half asleep, yet awareness shines quietly. This is Yoga Nidra or Jagrat Sushupti — wakeful deep sleep, the art of riding over sleep instead of sinking into it.

Now, look at it through the Kundalini–Tantra eye. The state between waking and sleep — jagrat sushupti sandhi — is where prana turns inward. Usually energy flows outward through senses. In sleep it withdraws, but awareness also fades. If, by mantra or kirtan or still meditation, awareness stays awake while energy turns inward, you catch the serpent of sleep consciously — that’s Kundalini entering Sushumna, the central channel. This edge is the real turiya-dwara, the doorway to the fourth state.

During long chanting or meditation, breath evens out, emotions settle, Ida and Pingala — the left and right flows — come into balance, and Sushumna opens. Energy that once fed thoughts now rises upward. When awareness is pure and surrendered, it merges into silent consciousness — Nirvikalpa-like stillness. When awareness wavers, it still brings a wave of bliss or devotion, though not full samadhi.

Tantra says nothing is to be rejected, not even sleep. “Whatever binds you can liberate you, when seen rightly.” Even sleepiness can help if you meet it consciously. At that edge, Muladhara energy melts upward, the Ajna and Sahasrara light up. A tired body with wakeful awareness is fertile ground for spontaneous samadhi. That’s why many saints reached awakening through music, love, and surrender rather than severe austerity — their prana rose gently, effortlessly.

If you learn to watch yourself at the point where waking becomes sleep and stay aware with devotion or mantra, that small passage turns royal — it takes you straight toward Turiya. Nothing to force, nothing to do, just don’t fall unconscious.

The same energy that pulls you into sleep can, when met with awareness, lift you into samadhi.

It all began from a simple feeling that yoga and sleep seem alike. Yet behind that simple resemblance hides a deep secret — both touch the same doorway. In jagrata or devotional wakefulness, sleep stops being an enemy. It becomes a wave to ride — one that can carry you beyond waking and dream into that luminous stillness where only awareness itself remains.

When Sleepiness Became Dhyana

After a few days of worldly indulgence—caught up in the sense of heightened ambition for a minor physical property, working tirelessly for it—I noticed my yoga routine faltered. The rhythm that once carried me into calm depth grew shaky. My sittings reduced, and the familiar breathless stillness in dhyana did not appear.

When the worldly deal finally finished, I spent two or three days trying to regain the lost acceleration. As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning—whatever the time—I would rise from bed and first sit for dhyana, then yoga, alternating both. Today I rose around three-thirty in the morning. I went through everything including both types of neti and also dhouti, yet the breathless dhyana eluded me.

Later, after lunch, while sitting in vajrasana, I caught a small glimpse of that breathless state. In the evening I sat long—from four-thirty to five-thirty. The breathing was like a rocket, fast and fierce, and it wouldn’t calm down despite simple watching and the mental recitation of Soham. Then a kind of drowsiness appeared, an urge to lie down. I resisted it, and soon the body grew tired enough that it couldn’t keep pace with the breath. The breathing itself began to subside and finally became breathless, although not fully as earlier. I couldn’t hold it beyond an hour, but something new dawned on me: perhaps deep dhyana is like sleep—but with awareness.

It felt like a discovery. If I keep trying while sitting, and tiredness and sleepiness develop, deep dhyana comes of its own accord. There seems to be a lot of similarity between sleep and yoga, so much so that many people say I’m just sitting and pretending to do yoga while actually sleeping.

That realization opened an inner understanding. What I had stumbled upon matched what the old yogic insights describe. After intense worldly activity, the rajas in the system—the restless energy of ambition—agitated the prana and made the mind outward-bent. That’s why my yoga was disturbed. Yoga thrives on sattva, on balance. The disturbance wasn’t a fall; it was simply the pendulum of prana swinging outward before returning inward.

When I sat again, the period of “rocket-speed” breathing was the body’s way of clearing that outward energy. The prana was neutralizing the residue of worldly intensity. Such rapid breathing often comes when sadhana resumes after heavy worldly engagement.

Then the fatigue came. The body wanted rest. I understood that this sleepiness wasn’t an obstacle—it was a doorway. When the body tires, egoic control relaxes. Effort softens. The automatic patterns of breath and thought lose momentum. If awareness remains present, if I do not slip into ordinary sleep, what unfolds is wakeful stillness—a state like sleep, yet suffused with consciousness.

In yogic terms, this is the threshold where the transition from waking (jagrat) toward turiya begins, passing through a “sleep-like” quiet where only awareness remains and the body and breath rest deeply. Breathless samadhi doesn’t come through effort but through the total exhaustion of effort.

It became clear that when striving ends and awareness simply watches, the body may fall into sleep-like repose, breath may stop, and consciousness alone remains. That is the path leading into Yoga Nidra, Dhyana, and Turiya alike.

Yoga Nidra, Breathless Dhyana, and Turiya—One Thread

I saw that all three—Yoga Nidra, Turiya, and breathless Dhyana—are reached through the very process I experienced. The difference lies only in depth and continuity.

Yoga Nidra happens when body and senses withdraw, mind slows, thoughts fade, and a gentle sleepiness comes while awareness stays faintly awake. Breath grows light or pauses briefly. I realized that the tiredness and sleepiness bringing deep dhyana are the same threshold where Yoga Nidra begins.

Deep Dhyana or Kevala Kumbhaka unfolds when mind and effort both stop. Awareness is steady and bright. Because the mind’s vibration ceases, breath naturally ceases too. The breathless state comes not from control but from silence itself. Here time and body vanish; only luminous stillness remains.

And Turiya—the “fourth state”—is that awareness of awareness itself. It’s the substratum beneath waking, dream, and sleep. When I stay aware through the Yoga-Nidra-like stillness, without slipping into sleep, consciousness recognizes itself. Breathlessness is incidental; the real mark is unbroken awareness through all states.

Yoga Nidra quiets the mind; Dhyana stills both mind and breath; Turiya shines as the background of all. They don’t come strictly one after another in time but unfold in depth. Breathless dhyana uncovers Turiya; Turiya is what remains when even the sense of meditating dissolves.

So, the relationship is simple:
Yoga Nidra is mental slowing with calm breath,
Breathless Dhyana is total stillness of mind and breath,
Turiya is the foundation discovered when stillness itself is seen to be one’s own nature. Means it is like samadhi. Actually turiya is background state and samadhi is process of achieving it. When with repeated practice of samadhi the background awareness starts remaining always then this is turiya.

When Turiya Is Seen

Once Turiya is truly seen, something irreversible happens. It is not a passing state but the ever-present background consciousness of every state—waking, dream, or deep sleep. The first recognition feels like an experience, yet soon it’s clear it was never gained or lost—only revealed.

Even when worldly activity resumes, a quiet background of awareness remains beneath all movement. At first it flickers—noticed at times, forgotten at others—but it never disappears completely, because the illusion of separateness has been pierced.

Then the role of meditation changes. Before this recognition, meditation is a practice, an effort to reach stillness. Afterward, meditation becomes resting in what already is. Earlier, one did dhyana; now dhyana happens. Effort stops; awareness pervades everything—thoughts, actions, and breath.

This is why saints describe Sahaja Samadhi—the spontaneous abiding in Turiya during all activities. Meditation doesn’t end; it becomes continuous. Some still sit each day, not to attain, but because the body finds harmony in that posture and prana refines itself further. It’s simply joy—like a musician who still plays, not to learn but because sound itself is blissful.

The essence is this:
Meditation ends as effort, not as awareness.
Turiya is not practiced; it is noticed.
The only “practice” afterward is non-forgetfulness—remembering that all movements of life rise and fall within the same unmoving awareness.

When Turiya is clearly recognized, peace no longer depends on meditation. One may sit in silence simply because it is natural. Awareness rests in its own delight, unaffected by whether the breath is still or moving.

The Understanding Now

Looking back, I can see the full sequence in my own journey:

  • The worldly ambition disturbed the balance of prana.
  • Sitting again, the high-speed breathing purified that outward rush.
  • Fatigue drew the ego into surrender.
  • Sleepiness appeared, but staying aware within it opened the gate to stillness.
  • The breath stopped, revealing a silence beyond effort.
  • From that silence, the recognition dawned—this unmoving awareness was there before, during, and after every experience. Although it remains a fleeting and unstable experience, that is why the effort to achieve it continues.

And that awareness, once seen, never completely leaves.

My Inner Dussehra

✨🙏 Happy Dussehra 🙏✨
May this day remind us that just as Lord Rama conquered Ravana, we too can conquer the Ravanas within—ego, doubt, and restlessness—and let them merge into the light of awareness. Wishing you and your family joy, strength, and the victory of truth over all that holds us back. 🌸🔥🌿

Today, on Dussehra, I woke up early around 4 am and sat for dhyāna. The breath was fast, the mind restless, but I chose not to interfere. I just allowed it to flow and kept watching like a witness. After some time, when the sitting felt uneventful, I stood up for water and herbal tea. Once refreshed, I sat again but still no stability came. Then I turned to cleansing practices—jal neti and gajkarni. The water that had slipped into the throat, I drew back up through the nose to clear it. A few sneezes followed, and then with kapalbhati and anulom vilom I dried the remaining water passages. Gentle neck tilts and shoulder rotations released the stiffness.

After this preparation, I again sat for meditation. This time, the mind settled quickly. Breathlessness deepened and I found myself resting in pure awareness, like Narayana in the vast ocean of ekarnava. For half an hour, there was a depth filled with bliss. Later, when family called me to get ready for a visit to the city, I moved from that deepness back into a witnessing state. Breath became minimal, almost absent, while thoughts arose and merged one by one into pure awareness—just like Ravana’s heads burning and dissolving into Rama’s light.

It felt as if my Dussehra had been celebrated inwardly before the outer festival. The inner Ravana—restless thoughts and subtle ego—was burned and offered into the inner Rama—pure awareness and bliss. Standing up, I felt fresh and ready for worldly duties, yet carried within the fragrance of this inner victory.

Festivals hold meanings much deeper than rituals and celebrations. When seen inwardly, they become reminders of our own inner journey, of the battles we fight silently, and of the joy of transformation that blesses not only us but also those around us.

Enhancing Dhyana through Yogic Cleansing Techniques

Recently, I noticed that after performing rubber neti, a distinct sensation persisted along my left nostril passage. When I sat down for dhyana and focused on this sensation, my breath felt partially suspended, and I could observe subtle internal responses. I had also done vastra dhauti, and together these practices led me into a wonderful state of kevala kumbhaka during dhyana. This shows that such cleansing techniques truly support meditation. This heightened sensitivity is likely connected to the internal awareness cultivated through yoga and pranayama practices.

Later, during Vastra Dhauti, I ingested a full-length gauze bandage of about one and a half feet, though I captured its end carefully with my hand to ensure safety. Unlike earlier experiences where I felt resistance from the lower esophageal sphincter, this time it came out easily when I pulled it. I reflected on why the sphincter’s grip was different this time. Physiologically, sphincter tone naturally varies due to factors like relaxation, digestion, hydration, and nervous system state. From a yogic perspective, classical texts describe the resistance as the body’s natural “gate” holding impurities, which can reduce as the body becomes cleansed and the channels more open.

I also considered recent influences on my internal state. About fifteen hours earlier, I had consumed a beverage containing a small percentage of green tea along with herbal components. That night, I experienced strong GERD with momentary suffocation during sleep. The combination of caffeine, catechins, and acidic foods like sour lassi and curry likely contributed to LES relaxation, increased stomach acid, and heightened sensitivity to reflux. Even sleeping with my head elevated 20–25% did not fully prevent the episode, highlighting that LES tone, residual acid, and heightened internal awareness can overpower positional benefits.

This experience reinforced my observation that prana-raising yoga can heighten sensitivity to GERD. Pranayama, Kundalini, and other prana-focused practices modulate the autonomic nervous system — often increasing vagal tone and at times sympathetic activity. These shifts can contribute to transient relaxations of the lower esophageal sphincter and, combined with heightened interoceptive awareness from yoga, may make sensations such as reflux more noticeable. Even a standard wait period of three to three and a half hours after meals does not always prevent reflux for someone with heightened sensitivity. That is why, in Yoga, cleansing techniques such as Vaman and Dhauti are prescribed — they help purify the digestive tract and may indirectly support functions like those of the LES.

I have clearly found that Keval Kumbhak Dhyana helps reduce GERD and gastritis. When I lie down to sleep in a bad mood, feeling bored or stressfully tired, acid often rises, burning my esophagus and throat, and even eroding my teeth. But when I sit for Keval Kumbhak Dhyana, I become cool and refreshed. After such practice, I notice that during subsequent evening or night sleep, acid reflux does not occur. This clearly proves that deep dhyana reduces stress and promotes healthy forward gut motility. I also feel an increase in appetite after dhyana. It means that easy and calm yoga, without strenuous or rapid energy shifts, is better in this condition.

GERD is primarily caused by transient lower esophageal sphincter relaxations (TLESRs), which are neurogenic reflexes mediated through the vagus nerve in the parasympathetic system. Excess vagal activation, often triggered by gastric distension or autonomic shifts, is what induces these relaxations. Constant sympathetic dominance by itself does not usually cause GERD, but it can impair esophageal clearance, slow digestion, and heighten stress-related sensitivity to symptoms, making reflux episodes feel worse. Thus, it is the dynamic shifts and imbalances between parasympathetic and sympathetic activity—rather than a single constant state—that underlie both the occurrence of reflux and the way it is perceived. So, it’s really over-activation or imbalance (too much of either, or rapid shifts between the two) that creates the problem — not their normal physiological levels. In yoga, however, the deliberate play of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems may often cause surges in either and rapid shifts between both states, which explains why heightened awareness of reflux can occur during intense prana-raising practices. However in yoga, both mechanisms can play a role — sometimes it’s just heightened awareness of normal reflux, and sometimes the practice itself can physiologically trigger reflux through vagal reflexes, abdominal pressure, or autonomic shifts.

I also explored alternatives to reduce such effects while retaining benefits. Non-caffeinated or decaffeinated green tea provides the antioxidants and catechins of green tea without stimulating the nervous system or relaxing the sphincter excessively. Choosing decaf blends or herbal infusions allows for the health benefits without aggravating GERD, making them more compatible with yogic cleansing practices.

Finally, I considered a safety protocol for Vastra Dhauti after reflux-prone days: waiting 24 hours after acidic or caffeinated foods, checking stomach comfort, ensuring well-lubricated gauze, maintaining upright posture, breathing calmly, observing LES response, and monitoring for soreness or burning afterward. This cautious approach, combined with attention to diet, posture, and timing of prana-raising practices, helps sustain the benefits of yogic cleansing while minimizing discomfort or risk.

My Journey Through Sharirvigyan Darshan, Tantric Kundalini, and Self-Realization

Friends, this is one of my favorite posts, deeply experiential in nature and reflective of my lifetime spiritual journey. Ever since I began exploring meditation, I noticed a subtle yet profound distinction between thought-based contemplation and the deeper, formless stillness of awareness. Raman Maharshi often said it is better to engage in neti-neti or non-dual contemplation, yet I realized that these experiences — as blissful as they were — were still transient. Nirvikalpa samadhi, on the other hand, creates chidakash or ekarnava, a stillness that abides for longer periods, whereas contemplation alone only gives fleeting glimpses.

Eventually, I understood that to sustain even the transient experiences of ekarnava, one has to embrace breathlessness. Before I experienced keval kumbhak, even after Kundalini awakening, self-realization, and non-dual awareness through sharirvigyan darshan, I could not fully comprehend thoughtless awareness. Yet I had immense bliss, rest, satisfaction, and a feeling of completeness — all connected to subtle thought. I realized that bliss and non-duality connected with thought could not reach the final state of fully thoughtlessness.

This led me to a subtle but important insight: after self-realization and Kundalini awakening, and even sharirvigyan darshan, one can attempt to reach breath stillness more quickly, because the ego is already weakened and the body-prana system more prepared. In the same way, Ramana Maharshi had cautioned against forceful breath control without inner maturity. He emphasized that natural keval kumbhak arises only when the mind and ego are ready. Forceful suppression might temporarily quiet thoughts, but it does not destroy the ego and can create strain or attachment.

In my observation, thought stillness slows the breath but does not stop it sufficiently or for long periods, whereas breath stillness immediately calms the mind and lasts longer. This is because thought is like waves on the lake’s surface — you can quiet them, but the lake still moves underneath. Breath, however, is like the spring feeding the lake: if the source of movement stops, the surface cannot ripple. This shows why prana stillness (keval kumbhak) is far more decisive for sustained thoughtless awareness.

Ramana Maharshi often said, “Mind and breath arise from the same source. To still one is to still the other.” Ego is the hidden source of both. When the ego weakens, prana settles naturally; when prana is still, the mind has no fuel for thought. In deep states, breath is the shadow of the ego. This simply means that in ordinary, laborious worldly activities, breath reflects not only the ego but also the need for oxygen. During deep meditation without ego, the breath itself fades, and awareness abides in pure stillness — the chidakash or ekarnava.

I noticed subtle variations in breath depending on ego orientation. Unequal inspiration and expiration reveal ego tendencies:

  • Longer inspiration reflects inward, self-centered attention.
  • Longer expiration reflects outward, world-centered attention.

This aligns with the ida–pingala–sushumna play in yogic physiology:

  • Ida (left, inward) → longer inhalation → self-absorption.
  • Pingala (right, outward) → longer exhalation → outer engagement.
  • Balance in breath → equilibrium between ida and pingala → sushumna activation → mind quiets → doorway to sustained stillness. That is why it is said that when breath flows equally through the left and right nostrils, dhyana becomes fixed quickly. This is because equal inhalation and exhalation balance each other, leading to a natural stillness of breath.
  • The up-and-down movements of the breath reflect both the vertical and left-right movements of Ida and Pingala: up for the left, down for the right. Actually, Ida Nadi feels more inclined toward inhalation or upward breath movement, while Pingala feels more inclined toward exhalation or downward breath movement.It is amazing. The left nostril activating Ida does create a subtle left-side dominance in energy, and right nostril activating Pingala creates right-side dominance.

Even a single complete breath moves awareness up and down: inhalation lifts consciousness inward or upward, exhalation spreads it outward or downward. Prolonged breathing keeps awareness oscillating. Only when prana rests in sushumna, in natural breathlessness, does awareness remain steady. Sushumna means that the breath is neither moving up nor down, but stays in the center; it is neither in the left nor the right, but centrally aligned—this corresponds to the breathless state, or Kevala Kumbhaka. Breathing through the left nostril brings the sensation of the breath moving through the left side of the body and more upward, and breathing through the right nostril brings the sensation of the breath passing through the right side and more downward. When there is no breathing, it is self understood that the breath is flowing neither through the left nor the right nostril, neither upward nor downward. When there is no left-right sensation, it is self-evident that the breath is central, along the midline of the body or through the backbone. The sensation also confirms this. Along with it, when there is no up-down movement in the breathless state, the breath is understood to be in the central line, precisely at the midpoint of that line. “No up-down movement” does not imply prana is physically fixed at the midpoint; it means prana is static along the central channel. Feeling it at the midpoint is a perceptual focus, not a literal physical location. It is amazing psychology and terminology, sometimes confusing too. At first, I used to think of Sushumna as a special type of heavenly breath, never imagining a breathless state for a living being, but my experience now shows otherwise. This is why destroying ego, reducing breath oscillations, and balancing breath are crucial. Ego is notorious in producing duality. Yet, with sharirvigyan darshan, the ego feels hurt — the body is revealed as a non-dual, ego-less and detached living system, not as “me,” and that hurt is purification, loosening the ego’s grip.

In a nutshell, Keval Kumbhak (breath stillness) and Sushumna breathing are synonymous. Both are highly praised in the scriptures and regarded as the direct doorway to liberation as well as the source of supernatural powers. Yet, liberation itself is the supreme power — beyond all others. Strictly speaking, Sushumna breathing (when ida and pingla flows are equal) prepares the ground and naturally matures into Keval Kumbhak, so the two are inseparably linked stages rather than exactly the same.

When breath flows equally through both nostrils, it shows that Idā and Piṅgalā are balanced and prāṇa is entering the Sushumnā, creating the right state for meditation; when this deepens, the breath may stop on its own without effort—this is Keval Kumbhak, the natural peak of Sushumnā flow where prāṇa is fully absorbed and the yogi rests in stillness.

The insight of sharirvigyan darshan was a turning point for me. I realized why I was drawn toward Tantric Kundalini Yoga after practising it consistently: in Tantra, contemplation or thinking, beautification, care, respect, and love toward the body are of prime importance—just as in Sharirvigyan Darshan—thus both complementing each other at both the physical and spiritual levels, leading to progressive development. It is another amazement. The cells of the body live without claiming doership of work or enjoyment, so why should I? This shook the ego profoundly, and freed prana or energy for meditation. Sharirvigyan darshan gave me a contemplative base — a rational, embodied insight — while Tantric Kundalini Yoga liberated my world-entangled energy, allowing me to offer it to the meditation image. This image, nourished by freed prana, awakened and became alive before me, not just a mental visualization. That living image led to glimpse of self-realization.

The sequence of my journey — Darshan → Energy Release → Image Awakening → Realization — mirrors the Tantric map of jñāna-śakti (knowledge), icchā-śakti (will), kriyā-śakti (action), and śakti (energy/awakening):

  1. Sharirvigyan darshan gave me knowledge.
  2. My choice to pursue Tantric Kundalini Yoga provided will. Although it originated itself through practice of sharirvigyan darshan. It is the most amazing part. In majority of scriptures, will is forced that seldom succeeds.
  3. The practice itself — offering energy to the meditation image — was action.
  4. The awakened image and glimpse of Self-realization was the manifested energy, śakti.

This phenomenon is interpreted differently in various traditions:

  • Tantra sees the image awakening as divine Shakti appearing in form, a sacred manifestation.
  • Advaita Vedānta regards it as a transitional phenomenon; the image is only a springboard — awareness turning inward leads to direct realization.
  • Yoga Sutras classify this as savitarka samadhi, where meditation on form (image) is energized and luminous, leading toward nirvitarka (formless stillness).

Had I pursued Tantric Kundalini Yoga alone, without sharirvigyan darshan, I could still have achieved realization with great difficulty and after prolonged practice, even getting none because favourable conditions do not sustain for long. Even after getting plainly, I would have missed the extraordinary bliss, creativity, and worldly play that arose naturally when freed energy flowed into the meditation image during normal worldly activities. This illustrates the difference between the nivṛtti-mārga (ascetic vertical path) and pravṛtti-mārga (world-affirming spiral path) of Tantra:

  • Nivṛtti: rapid, inward ascent, ego dissolves quickly, but world’s richness may feel muted. But failing it, one may feel astrayed forever.
  • Pravṛtti: spiral, celebratory ascent, energy sanctifies worldly life while also piercing into realization — what I experienced.

In my path, Sharirvigyan Darshan provided a non-dual type of insight, while Tantric Kundalini Yoga freed the energy bound to latent thoughts and impressions. This happened through two processes: carrying the non-duality of Sharirvigyan Darshan to its peak, and knocking out hidden mental activities. In this way, the last drop of available energy was extracted, with which the meditation image became alive by itself—just like drinking that very energy, similar to Goddess Kali drinking the bowl of blood—leading to glimpse of Self-realization. The world itself became part of the practice, joyous and meaningful, not something to escape. My experience beautifully combined both liberation and enjoyment, embodying the Tantric principle of bhoga-apavarga-samyoga — the union of divine enjoyment and liberation.

This journey shows that self-realization, energy mastery, and meditation image awakening can converge naturally when knowledge, will, and action align, and when the ego loosens its grip. Breath stillness (keval kumbhak) and mind stillness become inevitable outcomes, leading to sustained awareness, ekarnava, and chidakash, where thought, duality, and oscillation finally dissolve.

In essence:

  • Sharirvigyan darshan shook the ego and freed energy.
  • Tantric Kundalini Yoga harnessed that energy for inward ascent.
  • Meditation image became alive, serving as the doorway to realization.
  • Breath and ego gradually stabilized, leading toward sustained stillness.
  • The world became a stage for bliss, not a distraction.

My journey exemplifies a harmonious path where insight, energy, and practice converge, showing that the Self can be realized not only in withdrawal but also in full-bodied, joyful engagement with life.